forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
