the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
