I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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