Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
