I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
