i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize