I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
