I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize