Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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