I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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