He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
