smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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