I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
