i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
