it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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