I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
