Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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