i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
