Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
