Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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