pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Terrible idea I love it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
