last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
