ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize