The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
