I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
