the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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