where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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