When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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