the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
