Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
