Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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