DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
