Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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