I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
