2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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