If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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