After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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