i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
