he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
