I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
