why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
