You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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