I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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