I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
