I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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