The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
