I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
