I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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