I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
