I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
