Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
