I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
