every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
