i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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