So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
