Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
