Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
