I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
