Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
