why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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