I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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