Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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