I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
