i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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