the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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