Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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