Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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