I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
