You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
