Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
