I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
